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Alot of  things to get off of my chest today.
But, well, procrastination and shit and blah happens so.
This post might be incomplete.
Let's start off in chronological order, therefore, I shall tell you guys teh story of the awkwardness I have between me any my seniors.
It all started last year when, due to my social anxiety disorder (stop rolling your eyes Cherry. I have it okay. I took the goddamn quiz by a goddamn professional. Mine was severe case okay, get lost. Shoo.), I ignored my seniors whenever they talked to me. Heck, you didn't even have to be a senior. As long as I didn't know you and have to be like, in your presence for a very long period of time, I would be crazily afraid and anxious of you.
I shall state again a few symptoms of whta I felt at that time.
When around seniors:
Mind will go blank
Will start sweating.
Heart will beat crazily fast.
Will try to find ways to avoid talking to said senior.
If unavoidable, will force self to come up with jokes/banter/whatever. (which as we all know only makes everything worse cos everything comes out really fake and shit.)
After the encounter I will go through everything and rate myself and review myself. What lah. Stop it okay argh I had a freaking disorder =.= I was my worst critic.

When around peers of same age:

Heart will beat crazily fast.
Will try to find ways to avoid talking to said senior.
If unavoidable, will force self to come up with jokes/banter/whatever. (which as we all know only makes everything worse cos everything comes out really fake and shit.)
After the encounter I will go through everything and rate myself and review myself. What lah. Stop it okay argh I had a freaking disorder =.= I was my worst critic.

When around aunts, relatives, everyone:
Heart will beat crazily fast.
Will try to find ways to avoid talking to said senior.
If unavoidable, will force self to come up with jokes/banter/whatever. (which as we all know only makes everything worse cos everything comes out really fake and shit.)
After the encounter I will go through everything and rate myself and review myself. What lah. Stop it okay argh I had a freaking disorder =.= I was my worst critic.

Understand le ma. I was damn scared. So therefore whenever my seniors tried to crack jokes with me, etc. etc. I was pretty slow in understanding the joke and (cos I was so nerdily serious last time) I didn't think it was that funny last time so. After a while they stopped talking to me.
So ironic, and now I want so desperately to be like. Friends? Acquaintances with them?
I mean, ARGH I cannot stand this awkwardness my god. Like, we're in the same CCA, everyone but me is partying with each other everytime there's netball.
It just makes netball pretty unenjoyable.
I mean, yeah lah my situation not as bad as Xin hui's la where she has like a lot of people bitching and like just bullying and being mean to her cos of stupid stuff she cannot help. She wants to quit netball cos of that, so if anyone who knows what they've done to her reads this. Well. Are you happy now?
Okay so I'm sidetracking again, aiya heck la you how long know me alr now then know I like to veer off topic. Heck you.
Again.
Anyway. ANYWAY. Until know the closest person I know amongst all the seniors are. In order I guess?:
Leong womanz.
Shinwomanz the Korean.
Oh my God. I shouldn't have typed that. It seems very pathetic now D: And I don't even talk to them in real life la walao wei orz. Leong womanz is via sms. Shinwomanz... Real life got talk abit la. Like really abit. :(
Hais. I digress.
NExt topic.
I have recently been. Getting reacquainted with my social anxiety disorder.
I told it to move back to Oz. It refused.
It's started to loosen its tight grip on me abit now.
...
I'm a little bit afraid again. .__.
Like you know. I don't know what to say etc.
I'm probably boring you people to death with my continuous repitition of my social anxiety disorder. Sorry Cherry.
Okay I'll stop.
Last topic.
I am not an ahlian.
I'm so tired of people in school. Well, they're not a lot of people, but still a handful to hurt me.
Well so, okay, I've been getting a couple of comments.
Talking about how I'm becoming more "loud and crude" and more "ah lian" and how "last time you not lidat one leyh. What happened. What's the change?"
I just want to state. a few things about that.
It hurts you know. Sometimes when you go overboard. And I cannot be fucking bothered to change names, but Nicole you really. You really hit a nerve when you start insulting me for no good reason. Just to make people laugh. It's not very nice, you know. And I just. I'm sorry but sometimes you can be so attention-seeking. Why can't you change. My God. And sometimes you are just so act.
Good lord. I'm not the only one you're irritating okay, when you randomly come up to us and call us bitch then walk away.
And for God's sake, you only convince yourself of your so called 'split personality' because it will bring attention to yourself my God =.= I am sorry, but you are very attention-seeking. Am I being mean. Well, I'm really very sorry, seriously I am, but you really are.
Yes I'm being cowardly. I'm complaining here when you will probably never see this. But this. Is where I can rant. For God's sake get the fuck off if you buay tahan.
Anyway. If you had a split personality. Even if you knew the symptoms, you wouldn't know of your condition. =.=
Okay so anyway. N has a good friend. Bao bei. okay. So baobei recently took to following in Nicole's footsteps and insulting just for some laughs. So stupid.
But anyway. She hit jackpot la. Cos. The very people she happened to be making fun of my 'ahlianness' at that time agreed heartily with her. 
=.= It hurts la walao.
I mean like. Okay so I fold my skirt. I don't do that for anyone. I do that for myself. I don't want to, okay no offense la but I find long skirts really unattractive, so anyway I don't want to look gross so I fold my skirt. That is frekaing not lian for GODS SAKE.
And I swear. Quite a bit. Okay la is quite a lot. But it is nothing compared to last year okay. Last year 说不说 get angry start spouting all the knnbccb, ccb, ma de etc etc. This year. I cut down alot alr okay. Only fuck and bitch. And only when I get super pissed.
Shit. All this talk about ahlians and vulgarities and shit is making me think of when I was super duper lian on the inside last year.
Then there was this like heavy, tired, angry, pissed, super de sian feeling in my chest. It coated my entire heart.
I remember thinking I was completely poisoned cos of P6.
My goodness.
NEver again. I don't want to go back to that kind of period again.
It sparked my social anxiety disorder.
It made me damn lian cos at that time it was super in to be lian and if you weren't lian nobody would befriend you... Without buckling under peer pressure and ostracising you when the time called for it.
It. Okay I hated P6 if you can't already tell.
Sigh.
So anyway.
Even the teacher called me lian. So depressing. And I think she was sort of ignoring me. Sigh.
It hurts la. For the first time in my life I'm trying to be mroe sociable and shit and then people label me ahlian cos instead of being 'awkward and quiet' I'm being more 'noisy and "friendly-ish"'. Oh so therefore I am a goddamn fucking ahlian.
Cos I'm trying to be more sociable.
okay la.What do you want. I go back to being totally nerdy again? Nerdy and awkward and quiet? You want isit? Then you'll be happy?
My fucking goodness, FINE. Then when I have no friends don't go round saying "Why the choi minzy suddenly so awkward and quiet and-" FUCK. You guys had just better leave me alone.
Tsk. Stupid.
*
I am importing songs from old CDs in my house into my iTunes and thus into my iPod.
It's quite irritating. Cos some of the songs are things idek and some of the albums don't even have the CDs in them. Cos last time my mom took out everything and replaced them with other CDs in the car to like replace the CD so we could listen to the new CD. Do I make sense. No right. Aiya heck la you should be able to get it eventually.
It is none of my business if you don't. If it doesn't make sense work that brain to try and make it make sense.
Anyway. So this cycle of forever recycling album cases goes on and on. Eventually only a few CDs ever make it back home to the comforting, tackily 1990's designed plastic casing of the album. The rest are unknown and missing and. Well, that's quite sad cos there were a lotof Mariah Carey albums at home which I wanted to listen to, but couldn't cos all the discs were either missing or well replaced with Chinese CDs and shit. =.=
So, so far I only have a couple of new Namie Amuro songs and Taylor Swift's Fearless album in my iTunes.
=.= I'm downloading a new Chinese album into my iTunes. That should be interesting.
And thusly I shall end this quite long post here.
Annyeong.
Rainbow seen and taken above our school. I spotted it.