5:16 PM | Comment? | 0 comments
I feel particularly dead/lazy today.
I shall just blog whatever goes to my head and shit.
I will edit nothing. Absolutely nothing in this blogpost.
Everything here is like. Uncut. Straight from the crop of dying imagination.
Okay so first of all.
I had a horrible dream last night.
It was about my whole family dying. I don't know how, they were all just dead. I think this was probably caused by my looking up of phobias last night. I was looking up on the phobia of awkward silences, and apparently that's normal not just my sad. LOL. I just realised its acronym is sad. Okay anyway.
So then I saw a few other phobias, including the phobia of death. I remember being a little curious about why people would be afraid of death. I mean, for me, death is just. Your physical existence being put to an end. Who cares what's after that. What is... I mean like, why should you care what's out there after that. I mean, well I'd be pissed if I died whenever wherever and then woke up in hell only to repeat my entire life but in a worse like condition/state/whatever. I mean, fgs I want to rest dammmit =.=
But I digress. So anyway.
I guess that's what caused my dream to be so... What's the word. Someone volunteer a word and just stick it in the ... part, kay.
Well I started crying then. Then I woke up and my mom wasn't beside me (cos I sleep in the same room as my mom. What. Get lost shoo there's nothing wrong dammit =.=) and the bathroom (cos we were sleeping in the master bedroom... =.= Okay that sounded wrong. SHIT YOU STOP IT WE ARE JUST SLEEPING AS PARENT AND CHILD.) door was closed and there was a light on inside it. I didn't dare go over and open the door because I was so scared of the ghosts and shit andbecaus I was afraid that if I opened the door my mom would be lying on the floor, dead after slipping on the wet floor.
And here comes the shocking, disgusting, superficial part:
Throughout that thoughts of never eating maggie mee ever again sometimes attacked me and made me even sadder than the thought of not having my mom around me ever again.
The thought that there would be something fascinating to another dimension like in Narnia behind the bathroom door was what made me want to go over and open the door, not to find out if my mom was okay.
I hate myself for being so self-centred.
And these few days, I mean this whole year, I have been disgustingly self-centred. Okay and thus comes the jumble of thoughts that will spill out from my mind with no sense of order at all.
If you agree with me and say yes I am disgustingly self-centred, I will lash out at you and hate you even though yes, I agree that I am disgustingly self-centred too, but I will still lash out at you because I think that thta is somehow human nature to hear someone insult you. I mean, if you're scolding yourself that's somehow okay la because well, why get angry at yourself? Do you get what I mean?
It somehow just hurts though when somebody insults you.
Anyway. I am sorry to all readers (do I even have any. Oh I see all of them posting frantically at my tagbox to prove their existence *cough) for continuously ranting about-
Wait a minute. Unless you're a good friend of mine, I will not apologise for ranting about my social anxiety disorder. You won't understand me. A few good friends of mine don't even understand it, so I don't expect that you, a random stranger, would.
But if you do I am deeply thankful and at the same time sorry that you have to read about me moaning and whining.
This last part of the post.
I am too lazy (collective groan from the 2 readers that are reading this) okay la I'm sorry! But like, I'm just too lazy. And sleepy.
I don't suppose I had a very good sleep last night what with all the eventful shit =3= so. Yeap. My head is dead again.
Therefore, this last part of the post shall have its own blogpost to itself. I think the person that that particular blogpost is dedicated to will love me for being so kind and gracious to her for allotting her with her very own blogpost, not having to share with my other woes and troubles. Oh yes, this person is also self-centred, and it is no wonder why seeing as we are both related.
And this person is very disgusting.
But I shan't say anymore. No. What if that self-centred bitch gets mad cos I'm giving away the element of surprise to her very own blogpost. No we can't have that happening. I imagine she'd kill herself.
ohey yujie after plastic surgery, how're you?