Cameras, Cameras, and cameras.

Few facts about me.

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1. I'm bisexual.
Or did I already type that in my profile? Eh, whatever, if you didn't know, now you know. (Blah!)
I only first realised I was bisexual (or isit bicurious? Because that's what people on the internet call it. They say it's some puberty thingo where your hormones go crazy and therefore you start to admire everyone and everything but... :/ I don't know. Argh. Being a teenager is one of the most fun yet confusing periods of your life, I think. Cos you're making the transition from child to adult, so there's this mature side of you pulling you to be more... Well, mature, for lack of a better word, and there's this childish side of you going like "Ohai we're still childish and shizz hahaahhaha" so... Ya. Confusing.) was when I came into my current school. Do you already know my current school? I'm not going to disclose it anyway. Makes it easier to find my blog. Hahahhaah.
2. My first crush on someone of the same gender was before I studied in my current school.
No lie. Before I came into my current school, this school, the one I'm studying in right now. Haha. Rack your brains for something that can help you decipher when I first liked a girl.
3. For anyone I've ever liked, my friends have always disapproved.
Even now. Seriously. They tell me my taste is horrible and that the person I like is ugly, etc. etc. To date I've only ever found one person who agrees with me that I have good taste in liking that person. And that must be true because I'm not the first person who has liked my crush.
4. My crush is bi as well according to rumours.
Yep.
5. I can crush on almost everyone. Well, not so much now la, but last time.
Last time was way worse. If I even found something remotely attractive about you (humour, personality, looks, looks, looks.) I would have this little spark of infatuation for you. Seriously. Even the person sitting beside me. Oh but I had this person who liked me once just because I sat beside him. Before that he'd liked someone else. So, I guess that crush on me isn't really counted. :/
6. Someone has confessed to me before.
Not that dude who sat beside me la. I mean ya he did confess, but well. Is that even counted. :/ Idk up to you, I've been confessed to two times or one time. OTL ya go on tag in my tagbox that a hundred ahbengs and nerds have confessed their love for you but you cruelly rejected them. Nah lah jk. Even Apple the seducer doesn't do that. hhahaha. =.=
The guy who confessed to me apparently liked me in P6. Fascinating. Okay not really la, lately ( as in Sec 1 until now) people have been telling me I looked way nicer in primary school than now. Even my parents tell me that. So, well, it would be surprising if he still liked me now.
Meh.
I sometimes get so upset when people tell me like I looked 'quite chio' when I was younger, but now they have no idea what happened.
Sigh. wts is this.
7. My ambition is stupid.
It really is, considering I have 0 talent in that particular field. I'm interested in taking up courses to improve my ability, but I'm still pretty shy. What if that person tells me that I just have no hope in that particular area? Sigh. Fear of failure. But only in that area. I don't seem to mind failing my Chinese at the moment. WTS.
8. I half-like half-dislike netball.
Ya. I don't even know like. Tsk. Cos like last year, sec 1, my social anxiety disorder was really very very very bad so I got really afraid to talk to everyone. And well, people in netball were all so hyper and friendly and stuff. They tried talking to me and stuff, but well. I just. I was very awkward and I didn't know what to say. So after a while they left me alone.
Now, well obviously the S.A.D is alot better, though I sometimes become awkward again. But that awkwardness comes up alot of the time during netball cos like. I'm just always very awkward around them because of last year.
Sigh. Sometimes I bash my head wondering why on Earth I had S.A.D last year. Why of all times last year. Why did I even have to have it.
It has made things very... Difficult.
9. My first obsession with pop culture was when I was P4/P5. On Britney Spears.
Which means it as around 2007/2008, when she was going through that bout of depression and stuff. At first I used to bash her really badly. Saying stuff on youtube like how she was a bad mother. But then after that I, well, I... Um. Sorry for the awkward halt in the sentence but my brain suddenly just went blank. Okay anyway, after that I went to research more on her and well. I just couldn't help but pity her and fall in love with her. Not in the bi sense, but like AIYA like how you like your favourite singer sense la, you understand?
I blamed Kevin Federline heavily and used to really curse and swear at him, but I stopped after a while. Cos I realised what really sparked this was her breakup with Justin Timberlake.
It's like how when people said Yujie liked someone else like, idk, Beeshi and Yeefong in P5 and P6 I used to go into mini depressions. Which, after all that PSLE stress, turned into full-on depression (which is how in sec 1 my mouth was always turned down into a frown... :/).
I got better after a while la. Because it was the stress of having to study really hard and very late into the night when I really didn't think I could do it and stuff that made me so upset and anxious and, well, wrecked, I took a very long break from studying after the second half of the year last year. Like, it started out slowly. At first I would just slack a little more, facebooking in class, doing other stupid stuff and just not listening. Then when I got home I didn't immediately take out my books to study like I did in the first half of the year. I relaxed and procrastinated. It just got worse and worse after that, until my results slipped and tumbled down from the top of the hill. 5th to 18th position. BTW, it stings when people remind me of that and then tease me about it. It stings okay. So don't get all miffed and stuff when you bring that up and I get all mad. I'm sorry I can't take a joke and stuff. But it stings.
Anyway. In sec 2 I completely lost self-control. I studied very little, except for Science because even though I didn't listen in class at all, I went to study very 'extensively' for it and after a while I found it fun.
In sec 2 because I wanted to be more creative, I listened to a lot of music and did alot of stuff like watching kpop variety shows and well, looking at nice clothes and trying to design etc. So because I thought studying stifled my creativity, I stopped studying.
Can you guess what that stupid ambition is now.
10. My current American pop culture obsession is Bruno Mars.
Okay, so he might not be very aesthetically pleasing (though he was veh veh cute when he was like 4 or sth. Yala same as me la grow up become nto so cute.), his voice is very nice and the songs he sing might be sappy, but I am totally hopeless when it comes to things like that. So sweet and shizz.
I wish I could meet him and like befriend him or something like how owner of ohmygoditsbigbang.tumblr.com met Big Bang and talked to them and stuff. But that's impossible. Because I have absolutely no connections with anyone. And I doubt Bruno Mars will ever come to Singapore anyway.
Even if he does, how on Earth will I ever meet him.
It hurts knowing reality and how much it sucks.
Ack. I so want to meet him and take a picture with him and like. I don't even know talk to him even though I'm such an awkward ish.
Aisht. Okay anyway.
His voice is very sex. Yes, sex, not sexy, sex. S. E. X. Because sexy is something that arouses you, but sex is the ultimate pleasure. Like all that arousal climaxing to explode into something which I don't really like writing out despite my love for reading smut.
Huh. Paradox. Likes reading smut, doesn't like writing smut. Haha.
So yes his voice is very sex. Lol. And the lyrics are sweet.
This doesn't imply anything, but do you know that Bruno Mars is only 165 cm tall. LOL. I don't know whether to feel happy about how I've stopped growing now and how I'm only 166cm tall now.
Aisht. Why should I be happy anyway.
He is freaking 25 and I'm, well, my age. IT is totally incest and URGH !"£$%^$ WHY CAN'T HE BE YOUNGER OR WHY CAN'T I BE OLDER WHY CAN'T I KNOW HIM WHY CAN'T I ARRRRRGH.
Okay so end of the few facts. Did you already leave by the 3rd fact or something like that.
HEck idc. I shall now show you all of my pictures in my Tumblr folder.