9:40 PM | Comment? | 0 comments

It's been a long time since i've written an original story.
I mean yeah, for the past year or something I've been writing fanfiction about Big Bang and 2NE1 and me and my senior.
Other than that I haven't been writing much.
So um.
Now I'm attempting a murder story .___.
I think it'll be a flop. Maybe I'll write something crucial to the case, but when it comes to solving the actual case itself I'll miss that something out completely. D: what if that really happens. Oh no.
I know this isn't like for work or anything, but still. D: I'm a perfectionist when it comes to writing stories.
What if my grammar sucks. You know, I've been reading Twilight again for the past few days. Okay so the grammar and all that shizz is horrible and stuff lah. But the story is interesting. I'm afraid that maybe, just maybe, what if I've picked up some of Stephenie Meyer's worse writing habits. D:
I can't even tell myself that there are worse-written stories out there because, well. D: THIS NEEDS TO BE PERFECT. WRITING HAS BEEN. THE ONLY. THING. I HAVE. EVER BEEN GOOD AT. D:
Okay. heck. I shall give it my all. May your criticisms be constructive and not destructive when I post it up here.
Meanwhile in the more relaxed part of CM's mind -
Today I went to Ryanna's house for PBL.
I don't want to say anything about her family. I mean. Um. They're nice. Okay. I shall not say anything.
Phyu was a little bimbo. I'm not insulting her. It's a term of endearment. go away.
Karena was a blur block.
Hohoho. It was fun.
Then IDK if you've already seen it la but we saw the magazine covers featuring Big Bang. For Dazed and Confused.
Illuminati. .___. Especially in GD's case.
Then me and Karena had a very lengthy conversation about religion that continued from the moment we saw those pictures to when we were having lunch at Ajisen Ramen. Hehehe. Yes, because Karena is a sweet little unsuspecting victim I brought her to Ajisen Ramen 8)
I'm actually starting to find normal, non-Tom Yam ramen at Ajisen's nice. Especially the egg and broth D: But the Tom Yam ramen's seafood. Is nice. Meh. Whatever lah.
So then this talk about religion and death. Continued. Until her father came.
And I'm. Confused. .___. I don't know what to think. what if there is actually no good. What if there's only evil. What if there isnt' even such a thing as hell or heaven. What if all this hullaballoo about the world ending and religion and stuff is just a myth with a lot of very strong supporters.
I don't mean to insult anyone, please don't get me wrong. I'm just wondering.
.___. I'm confused. Hais.
I mean like. So far only bad things have been very prevalant in the world. By lying to myself and locking myself in my own world and making myself more naïve than I should be, I've learned to block out most of the bad stuff.
But now. .___. I don't want to think about all the bad stuff. Like. Well the usual and maybe more of the bad stuff that I haven't heard of.
Occult. Rape. Robbery. Murders. Etcetera.
And all the other minor bad stuff. Bullying. Bullying is a really, well, powerful thing. I mean, it can totally change a person. .___. I can attest to that.
Hais. And well because at that time. Um. The person who bullied me happened to be this really popular person in my class. The whole class bullied me as. Well. .___.
Okay so maybe I was a little guai lan last time. I don't know. I thought I was being perfectly normal (Okay, so maybe I was guailan. I acted like my cousins but not so bad last time. I hope.)
But that's no excuse to make the whole class ignore me. And shit like that.
It was painful. .___. They didn't even acknowledge my existence.
Of course, eventually the person behind all this began to pity me or something. She tried to befriend me. Of course I jumped at the chance. At that time I didn't want to go through all that misery again. It's not fun at all okay. Seriously.
Then um. At the end of P6. When everything was going to end already. I messed up.
You know those claw machine thingies. Well um we went to an arcade and were all trying out one of the machines. The leader, a.k.a the one who was the source of my misery, was trying to catch a certain toy. There were about 4/3 of us there? Excluding me and my sister, so that makes it 6 of us. Well. All the other girls paid for the leader to play. I think she probably contributed to 2 dollars of the total playing amount, but oh well. Then when she left to exchange money into more tokens (Which I don't understand. It isn't even her money. For the other ppl giving her the money to play, that I can sort of understand [peer pressure], but how can she just take the money like that and not feel... Guilt. Huh.), my sister began trying to catch that certain toy. Well...
On her first try, she caught the toy.
Then the leader demanded that my sister give her the toy. I was outnumbered. And well, still afraid that she'd make my life a misery. I tried talknig her out of it, then I.
I am a horrible person. I'm not trying to, like, joke around here. I really am a terrible person.
I made my sister give over the toy.
At first my sister really didn't want to do it. She even cried. The other girls just looked at her and went,"Eh she's crying eh." in Chinese nonchalantly.
Then the leader made this annoyed face, and everyone went to comfort her.
I coaxed my sister to give the toy and. My sister cried.
Nobody cared. People were bullying us.
If she ever reads this. Which I doubt she will because she thinks I'm trying to act ahlian now (oh what's new). Well.
Fuck you bitch.
And fuck me as well.
I just. I really cannot tell you how much I hate her and myself. I'm really not trying to get your sympathy I just.
I hate myself. So much.
I hope karma really does work. It can kill me and her.
I hate myself. I really do.