Very personal.
7:36 PM | Comment? | 0 comments

I feel like writing a letter. Here. To a few people.
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Dear Li Enn/ Violet Koo/ Marigold Koo.
Sigh. You ah you. You shouldn't have gone falling for so many people. Especially for people who didn't even give a shit about you. Heck you shouldn't have fallen at all, seeing as you were only 8 or something back then.
And you. Your ego was really something else. Yeah, I know you knew you were so much more intelligent than most of your peers, but your ego blinded you. Now you can see how that's affected yourself, and how fun isit being stupid now?
Oh and you really should've stopped trying to be humble so much. It destroyed you as well. Why did you have to act in your mind, when only you were there to witness all your bitchiness, all your psychology problems? I know you thought maybe people could see through you through tiny actions, because you thought it just wasn'tpossible for people to be so stupid to the point where they couldn't see obvious symptoms of lying, etc., but that caused you the whole class to turn against you in the end.
(Oh and, fuck you yf. I'm still a little scared of you, even though I have no right to be. I hate bullies. They kill you and tear you down and in the end, in the very end, the only person destroyed or affected is the victim. The bully gets away completely scot-free.)
Why did you have to force yourself to act like other normal, sub-par children? You idiot, that killed you. If you act as a different person, act long enough and eventually you'll turn into that person, especially when it brings a person who craves acceptance as much as you so much acceptance. LOL.
And why did you have to have two personalities of which you were consciously aware of, but yet didn't do anything to change because of your psychology issues. Why did you have to be so ridiculously nitpickingly intelligent at one moment, then be ridiculously fake and humble the next.
Why were you so egoistic, that's what I want to know. Cos your ego killed everything.
Oh but mostly, why were you crazy. Sigh.
So much potential, all wasted.
But then again, if you weren't all that, you wouldn't be you.
Sincerely,
Choi Minzy

Dear Bruno Mars,
Congratulations, you are the first American pop culture artist (besides Britney Spears) who has been my obsession for quite some time now. Weirdly enough though, I'm a little more obsessed with you than with Britney.
I wish I could be like the female version of you. Not trying to steal your thunder or anything, but I really want to be the female version of you. Funny, good looking (okay, um. Not to be mean, but you aren't hot all the time. I feel mean even though you'll never read this .__.), beautiful voice (sex voice. As in your voice is sex), very nice. Sigh. Very musically gifted.
It's damn obvious what I want to be now.
Well. I hope I don't creep you out if you happen to see this.
The girl with psychology issues liking the perfect guy.
Bullshit.
Sincerely,
Choi Bayot Minzy.

Dear YF,
Like I said above, I'm still pretty scared of you.
But. Watch your back. I'm putting all my hopes in karma.
One day you'll get what you deserve, stupid bitch.
Before I die, you'll get your just desserts, if not I'll wait for you in hell and make sure you eat your full course meal properly.
But well. Without you. I wouldn't have had depression. Without my depression, I wouldn't have cyclothymia now.
Thank you so much.
Sincerely,
Li Enn/Choi Bayot Minzy

Dear aunt (who called me stupid when I did nothing wrong),
Fuck you.
So what if my family's poorer than yours.
You're lucky to have such a nice husband.
I don't know what he says in you, no offense meant for him. For you, every single offense is meant with poison-coated hatred.
Your daughter is a bitch as well.
Huh. Like mother like daughter.
I'm gambling with hope as well.
Read what I said to yf above.
Love,
your dearest niece Li Enn/Choi Bayot Minzy.

Dear 4,
Well. I thought we were good friends. But I guess not. You never understand me now adays. You understood when I was depressed and going through my very antisocial stage. But now, not so much.
I don't know why I keep trying to keep the flame going, try to keep it roaring even brighter even. I really don't know when you obviously detest it and do not give a fuck about it.
You are clearly intelligent.
I think that's why I'm still clinging on. You know how to play your cards right.
Use me sometimes, or maybe I'm just delusional, go on, keep using me.
Sometimes you're nice, sometimes you just.
I don't know.
But...
Depression is not a choice.
Fucking bullshit. Homosexuality isn't either.
I don't know.
Good I feel depressed again all of a sudden.
LOL. Fucking bullshit.
Why do I keep holding on to something that's obviously dead. Especially when you talk so happily with other people who don't have any psychological problems. WEll, there is that one exception, but idk he has the same mindset as you. Maybe he's not that deep in yet, or maybe he's just stronger than me.
And it's not bullshit when I say some people are weaker than others at stuff.
I. .___. Mainly, my point is that I don't know why I still cling on when you don't care anymore.
Sincerely,
Choi Bayot Minzy.

Dear people who just think I'm bullshitting or whatever,
Fuck you. You won't know whta it's like until you go through it.
So stop judging. It seems I'm placing a lot of hope and faith into Karma. I'm hoping one day you will all understand. I'm hoping one day you all will get what you deserve.
Choi Bayot Minzy.

Ah. I probably lost a lot of friends, but hey whatever.
I feel very depressed at the moment. I sohuldn't have reminisced.
I guess this is life.
Ah. I'm going to be awkward tomorrow. Please excuse me.
I don't want conflict, yet I just typed all those out.
Oh well,
Choi Bayot Minzy.
P.S.: I think you guys should realise why sometimes I end off the letters with LE or Choi Bayot Minzy or LE/CBM.
Li Enn is dead. I'm trying to revive her, but the dead don't ever rise back again.
Only mentally dim people are every happy, because well. They get happy easily. I can attest to that.