7:36 PM | Comment? | 0 comments
I feel like writing a letter. Here. To a few people.
Dear Li Enn/ Violet Koo/ Marigold Koo.
Sigh. You ah you. You shouldn't have gone falling for so many people. Especially for people who didn't even give a shit about you. Heck you shouldn't have fallen at all, seeing as you were only 8 or something back then.
And you. Your ego was really something else. Yeah, I know you knew you were so much more intelligent than most of your peers, but your ego blinded you. Now you can see how that's affected yourself, and how fun isit being stupid now?
Oh and you really should've stopped trying to be humble so much. It destroyed you as well. Why did you have to act in your mind, when only you were there to witness all your bitchiness, all your psychology problems? I know you thought maybe people could see through you through tiny actions, because you thought it just wasn'tpossible for people to be so stupid to the point where they couldn't see obvious symptoms of lying, etc., but that caused you the whole class to turn against you in the end.
(Oh and, fuck you yf. I'm still a little scared of you, even though I have no right to be. I hate bullies. They kill you and tear you down and in the end, in the very end, the only person destroyed or affected is the victim. The bully gets away completely scot-free.)
Why did you have to force yourself to act like other normal, sub-par children? You idiot, that killed you. If you act as a different person, act long enough and eventually you'll turn into that person, especially when it brings a person who craves acceptance as much as you so much acceptance. LOL.
And why did you have to have two personalities of which you were consciously aware of, but yet didn't do anything to change because of your psychology issues. Why did you have to be so ridiculously nitpickingly intelligent at one moment, then be ridiculously fake and humble the next.
Why were you so egoistic, that's what I want to know. Cos your ego killed everything.
Oh but mostly, why were you crazy. Sigh.
So much potential, all wasted.
But then again, if you weren't all that, you wouldn't be you.
Dear Bruno Mars,
Congratulations, you are the first American pop culture artist (besides Britney Spears) who has been my obsession for quite some time now. Weirdly enough though, I'm a little more obsessed with you than with Britney.
I wish I could be like the female version of you. Not trying to steal your thunder or anything, but I really want to be the female version of you. Funny, good looking (okay, um. Not to be mean, but you aren't hot all the time. I feel mean even though you'll never read this .__.), beautiful voice (sex voice. As in your voice is sex), very nice. Sigh. Very musically gifted.
It's damn obvious what I want to be now.
Well. I hope I don't creep you out if you happen to see this.
The girl with psychology issues liking the perfect guy.
Choi Bayot Minzy.
Like I said above, I'm still pretty scared of you.
But. Watch your back. I'm putting all my hopes in karma.
One day you'll get what you deserve, stupid bitch.
Before I die, you'll get your just desserts, if not I'll wait for you in hell and make sure you eat your full course meal properly.
But well. Without you. I wouldn't have had depression. Without my depression, I wouldn't have cyclothymia now.
Thank you so much.
Li Enn/Choi Bayot Minzy
Dear aunt (who called me stupid when I did nothing wrong),
So what if my family's poorer than yours.
You're lucky to have such a nice husband.
I don't know what he says in you, no offense meant for him. For you, every single offense is meant with poison-coated hatred.
Your daughter is a bitch as well.
Huh. Like mother like daughter.
I'm gambling with hope as well.
Read what I said to yf above.
your dearest niece Li Enn/Choi Bayot Minzy.
Well. I thought we were good friends. But I guess not. You never understand me now adays. You understood when I was depressed and going through my very antisocial stage. But now, not so much.
I don't know why I keep trying to keep the flame going, try to keep it roaring even brighter even. I really don't know when you obviously detest it and do not give a fuck about it.
You are clearly intelligent.
I think that's why I'm still clinging on. You know how to play your cards right.
Use me sometimes, or maybe I'm just delusional, go on, keep using me.
Sometimes you're nice, sometimes you just.
I don't know.
Depression is not a choice.
Fucking bullshit. Homosexuality isn't either.
I don't know.
Good I feel depressed again all of a sudden.
LOL. Fucking bullshit.
Why do I keep holding on to something that's obviously dead. Especially when you talk so happily with other people who don't have any psychological problems. WEll, there is that one exception, but idk he has the same mindset as you. Maybe he's not that deep in yet, or maybe he's just stronger than me.
And it's not bullshit when I say some people are weaker than others at stuff.
I. .___. Mainly, my point is that I don't know why I still cling on when you don't care anymore.
Choi Bayot Minzy.
Dear people who just think I'm bullshitting or whatever,
Fuck you. You won't know whta it's like until you go through it.
So stop judging. It seems I'm placing a lot of hope and faith into Karma. I'm hoping one day you will all understand. I'm hoping one day you all will get what you deserve.
Choi Bayot Minzy.
Ah. I probably lost a lot of friends, but hey whatever.
I feel very depressed at the moment. I sohuldn't have reminisced.
I guess this is life.
Ah. I'm going to be awkward tomorrow. Please excuse me.
I don't want conflict, yet I just typed all those out.
Choi Bayot Minzy.
P.S.: I think you guys should realise why sometimes I end off the letters with LE or Choi Bayot Minzy or LE/CBM.
Li Enn is dead. I'm trying to revive her, but the dead don't ever rise back again.
Only mentally dim people are every happy, because well. They get happy easily. I can attest to that.
8:28 PM | Comment? | 0 comments
Bruno Mars tweeted again today. 8)
Sorry that this isn't gonna be a good post but I have unfinished business to attend to. Chinese homework awaits me.
Hoho omegle is quite fun but some of the people there are really damn.... =.= zzz. They dun talk, I start talking then they like indirectly accuse me of being shallow =.= whatever man, you dowan talk then what.
Mehhh. Met some guy from Texas there. *shrugs
He told me he was from UK. Box him ah XDD
oh anyway! Bruno mars <3
He tweeted what, FRENCH KISSING LOL then it trended XDD HOOLIGANS UNITEEEE AHAHA
Then he retweeted someone's tweet of Singaporean kissing is the best, sth lidat. 8)
I can give him first hand experience, haaaa
School has been okay so far.
I like my seat. Sheryl yue is a nice person.
Oh and papa siow is our geog cher 8) woohoo
Minzy daebak 8D I LIKED HER SINCE LONG AGO WOOHOO SUCKASSS
5:35 PM | Comment? | 0 comments
I get angry easily. Like. -.-
Idk why but ever since last week I've been blowing up damn easily over little things.
And my parents, idk, they're really grating on me.
School's opening tmr and we're changing our seats.
... Nothing is helping.
I'm fucking frustrated.
Bruno Mars facts
8:37 PM | Comment? | 0 comments
Bruno was a nickname his parents gave him cos as a young child he was kinda chubby and at that time there was a pretty uhh well-built wrestler called Bruno as well so. Yeah. :D
Mars is cos some girls he used to date (something like that la :D) used to say that he was out of this world. :D
Real name : Peter Gene Bayot Hernandez.
But people rarely ever call him that.
(JSYK, you people can now call me Choi Bayot Minzy. Yes. Ho, I should explain that later.)
His mother is from the Philippines, and his father is from Puerto Rico.
Mother is called Bernadette, and father is called Peter.
However, despite the, uhh, very different backgrounds that his mother and father have, Bruno was born in neither the Philippines or Puerto Rico.
He was born in Honolulu, Hawaii.
Or isit Hawaii, Honolulu.
I think it's the former.
Honolulu is a nice word.
He was born on the 8th of October, 1985.
Making him 25 as of January 1st 2011. Making the age gap between us... 11 years as of today.
... Eleven years.
He has 5 other siblings.
4 sisters, 1 brother.
Come to think of it, I don't really know much about his siblings. Hmm.
I only remember ummm... Eric (cos he was featured in the fanfic I was reading, haaaaa)... Then no more. LOL XDD
Eh should I google them
I think I should.
Sisters - Clara, Tahiti, Presley, Jaime.
Ooo. Tahiti. Okay that sounded mean. But Tahiti sounds nice. D: Sorry! (If you ever read this. which I doubt you will. But if you are reading this, ohohoho... :D)
I feel like a stalker.
I don't think so.
I'm gonna start spitting out random stuff I know about him cos I oso not sure which facts go in what order so. :D
He wears hats all the time because last time he had a huge afro in, I think, his teenage years, but then he chopped it off and he felt, um, 'naked' so he put a hat on his head and. Tada. HE says he has a lot of hats at home. o.o
... I don't find it appropriate to write out what I'm thinking of at the moment.
He writes all his hit songs. Without thinking much. Or at least, that's how I see it from his interviews. He says it just 'comes to him'.
Imagine. D: Imagine having the song 'Fuck you' just pop into your head like that. D: wtf.
There was one time when he was completely broke. And he had to sell, like, everything he owned. Instruments and all.
There was once he was in London and everything there was in pounds (and pounds cost damn alot can D< I would know cos everything there is, like, okay 15 dollars there is 30 bucks here. What the.) and he was staying in this really posh hotel where orange juice cost like 13 dollars (I'm not even sure if it was pounds or USD, but 13 bucks for orange juice is still unreasonable) and they only had like 240+ pounds on them.
If we just had money, this wouldn't be a problem.He said something like that anyway. So now you know where Billionaire came from.
He likes to joke about being arrogant and stuff.
But he's not okay. He's not. :D He's humble hoho.
He likes doo-wop (AND EVERYTIME I REMEMBER THAT I'M DAMN PROUD BECAUSE I LIKED DOO-WOP BEFORE I EVEN KNEW HE LIKED DOO-WOP WHICH PROVES WE HAVE QUITE A HIGH CHANCE OF BEING SOULMATES AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. Eh nah lah just joking, but doo-wop is nice so <3), and he considers himself to be... Uhh, quite a hooligan (young'uns and shizz lidat), thus Doo-wops and Hooligans.
.. In primary school they used to call me hooligan because of how it rhymed with my name. And cos of how violent I was. 8) Yay.
He isn't attention-seeking. At least, I deduced that from how he refused to give out information about his private/romantic/any other word that has the same meaning life. 8D
He smokes and he drinks.
*le sigh. D: Oh Bruno, why you gotta be like that T.T
But that's what make your voice so sex, haaaaaaaaaaaa.
... I shouldn't be thinking of things like that. OH WELL.
Hm. D: Izzat all. D: I can't remember anymore. Argh.
He likes carrots. o.o And all of a sudden I do too.
He was an Elvis impersonator when he was about 4. And was featured in a movie as Little Elvis when he was 5 XDD.
Norh.Actually I dun think that's the correct picture. But can see the Elvis suit, that's all that matters lah.
And he can impersonate Michael Jackson quite well 8D
He likes to sing in falsetto (which is why people call him soft asdfghjkl HE IS NOT YOU SHIZZ THAT'S CALLED BEING TALENTED. If you tried falsetto you'd sound like that certain someone I wouldn't care to mention before puberty D< so quiet).
He wrote a number of hits. Wrote and co-wrote.
I onyl remember a few eh.
Waving Flag - K'naan
Right Round - Flo Rida
Too sexy - Sugababes
Fuck You/Forget you - CeeLo Green
Hoho. His bestfriend is Phillip Lawrence.
He is part of a hit-writing team called The Smeezingtons.
I think that's all.
This is a long enough post anyway.
I think I shall explain the Choi Bayot Minzy/Real name thingy some other time.
Okay. Bye :D
*imagines his baby voice saying that* /melts
Facebook quizzes and stuff like that
11:29 PM | Comment? | 0 comments
My IQ is only 109.
I feel depressed.
I am a fucking retard.
It's not even funny.
I'm so depressed now.
I mean like.
Why am I so stupid.
Denise got like 124.
To think that when I was younger I used to be able to think and think and think and was, well, a lot brighter than most people.
I'm serious. I'm not trying to like be proud or anything, but I really was brighter, and smart people know when they're smart cos it's so goddamn obvious.
And now? 109.
Why is the world like this.
Isit cos of my depression?
I don't know.
All I know is. PSLE... Really changed me.
For the worse.
And I used to have depression.
I had depression last year. And social anxiety disorder.
Huh. No wonder.
My father and Cherry say that depression is for the weak.
Thank you so much.
Well, I read somewhere that unless you've gone through depression before you'll never know how much of a harrowing experience it is.
I'm not even talented at all. Or smart, now that I've found out my IQ is only 109.
Why am I alive.
4:50 PM | Comment? | 0 comments
Yesterday I was looking at Nicki Minaj stuff.
And reading Bruno Mars fanfic (huhuu)
And trying to do my Maths.
Okay I'm just blogging for the sake of making my blog more alive.
a little want
and this is true. Stop judging me. I somehow find guys who like guys more attractive.
Felix Felicis! Of course want.
Look at all those stuff. And tell me you do not want at least something up there.
You have no life.
I know this blog's pretty dead.
At first I was gonna post a picture of like the amazing 'library' I ahve at home, which is currently slightly leaning to the side.
But then I got lazy trying to find the USB thingy t connect my camera to my computer, so ah well.
I think. When school starts again. I might have more stuff toblog about.
So readers. D: Why isit from 35 there are now only 20? D: Why? WHY? D:
Thus this post ends.
Ahaha, and the Britney disease strikes again.