Whassup. 나의 tumblr You don't need to know my name.
Random shavings from an infertile mind.
K-pop 2NE1 Minzy CL Bom Dara and BIGBANG TOP G-Dragon Daesung Taeyang Seungri also My Chemical Romance, Britney Spears, Michael Jackson, Eminem, bits of Lauryn Hill and, well, I guess a lot, lot more.
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I feel particularly dead/lazy today.
I shall just blog whatever goes to my head and shit.
I will edit nothing. Absolutely nothing in this blogpost.
Everything here is like. Uncut. Straight from the crop of dying imagination.
Okay so first of all.
I had a horrible dream last night.
It was about my whole family dying. I don't know how, they were all just dead. I think this was probably caused by my looking up of phobias last night. I was looking up on the phobia of awkward silences, and apparently that's normal not just my sad. LOL. I just realised its acronym is sad. Okay anyway.
So then I saw a few other phobias, including the phobia of death. I remember being a little curious about why people would be afraid of death. I mean, for me, death is just. Your physical existence being put to an end. Who cares what's after that. What is... I mean like, why should you care what's out there after that. I mean, well I'd be pissed if I died whenever wherever and then woke up in hell only to repeat my entire life but in a worse like condition/state/whatever. I mean, fgs I want to rest dammmit =.=
But I digress. So anyway.
I guess that's what caused my dream to be so... What's the word. Someone volunteer a word and just stick it in the ... part, kay.
Kay.
Well I started crying then. Then I woke up and my mom wasn't beside me (cos I sleep in the same room as my mom. What. Get lost shoo there's nothing wrong dammit =.=) and the bathroom (cos we were sleeping in the master bedroom... =.= Okay that sounded wrong. SHIT YOU STOP IT WE ARE JUST SLEEPING AS PARENT AND CHILD.) door was closed and there was a light on inside it. I didn't dare go over and open the door because I was so scared of the ghosts and shit andbecaus I was afraid that if I opened the door my mom would be lying on the floor, dead after slipping on the wet floor.
And here comes the shocking, disgusting, superficial part:
Throughout that thoughts of never eating maggie mee ever again sometimes attacked me and made me even sadder than the thought of not having my mom around me ever again.
The thought that there would be something fascinating to another dimension like in Narnia behind the bathroom door was what made me want to go over and open the door, not to find out if my mom was okay.
I hate myself for being so self-centred.
And these few days, I mean this whole year, I have been disgustingly self-centred. Okay and thus comes the jumble of thoughts that will spill out from my mind with no sense of order at all.
If you agree with me and say yes I am disgustingly self-centred, I will lash out at you and hate you even though yes, I agree that I am disgustingly self-centred too, but I will still lash out at you because I think that thta is somehow human nature to hear someone insult you. I mean, if you're scolding yourself that's somehow okay la because well, why get angry at yourself? Do you get what I mean?
It somehow just hurts though when somebody insults you.
Anyway. I am sorry to all readers (do I even have any. Oh I see all of them posting frantically at my tagbox to prove their existence *cough) for continuously ranting about-
Wait a minute. Unless you're a good friend of mine, I will not apologise for ranting about my social anxiety disorder. You won't understand me. A few good friends of mine don't even understand it, so I don't expect that you, a random stranger, would.
But if you do I am deeply thankful and at the same time sorry that you have to read about me moaning and whining.
Lastly.
This last part of the post.
...
I am too lazy (collective groan from the 2 readers that are reading this) okay la I'm sorry! But like, I'm just too lazy. And sleepy.
I don't suppose I had a very good sleep last night what with all the eventful shit =3= so. Yeap. My head is dead again.
Therefore, this last part of the post shall have its own blogpost to itself. I think the person that that particular blogpost is dedicated to will love me for being so kind and gracious to her for allotting her with her very own blogpost, not having to share with my other woes and troubles. Oh yes, this person is also self-centred, and it is no wonder why seeing as we are both related.
And this person is very disgusting.
But I shan't say anymore. No. What if that self-centred bitch gets mad cos I'm giving away the element of surprise to her very own blogpost. No we can't have that happening. I imagine she'd kill herself.
So.
Annyeong.
Alot of things to get off of my chest today.
But, well, procrastination and shit and blah happens so.
This post might be incomplete.
Let's start off in chronological order, therefore, I shall tell you guys teh story of the awkwardness I have between me any my seniors.
It all started last year when, due to my social anxiety disorder (stop rolling your eyes Cherry. I have it okay. I took the goddamn quiz by a goddamn professional. Mine was severe case okay, get lost. Shoo.), I ignored my seniors whenever they talked to me. Heck, you didn't even have to be a senior. As long as I didn't know you and have to be like, in your presence for a very long period of time, I would be crazily afraid and anxious of you.
I shall state again a few symptoms of whta I felt at that time.
When around seniors:
Mind will go blank
Will start sweating.
Heart will beat crazily fast.
Will try to find ways to avoid talking to said senior.
If unavoidable, will force self to come up with jokes/banter/whatever. (which as we all know only makes everything worse cos everything comes out really fake and shit.)
After the encounter I will go through everything and rate myself and review myself. What lah. Stop it okay argh I had a freaking disorder =.= I was my worst critic.
When around peers of same age:
Heart will beat crazily fast.
Will try to find ways to avoid talking to said senior.
If unavoidable, will force self to come up with jokes/banter/whatever. (which as we all know only makes everything worse cos everything comes out really fake and shit.)
After the encounter I will go through everything and rate myself and review myself. What lah. Stop it okay argh I had a freaking disorder =.= I was my worst critic.
When around aunts, relatives, everyone:
Heart will beat crazily fast.
Will try to find ways to avoid talking to said senior.
If unavoidable, will force self to come up with jokes/banter/whatever. (which as we all know only makes everything worse cos everything comes out really fake and shit.)
After the encounter I will go through everything and rate myself and review myself. What lah. Stop it okay argh I had a freaking disorder =.= I was my worst critic.
Understand le ma. I was damn scared. So therefore whenever my seniors tried to crack jokes with me, etc. etc. I was pretty slow in understanding the joke and (cos I was so nerdily serious last time) I didn't think it was that funny last time so. After a while they stopped talking to me.
So ironic, and now I want so desperately to be like. Friends? Acquaintances with them?
I mean, ARGH I cannot stand this awkwardness my god. Like, we're in the same CCA, everyone but me is partying with each other everytime there's netball.
It just makes netball pretty unenjoyable.
I mean, yeah lah my situation not as bad as Xin hui's la where she has like a lot of people bitching and like just bullying and being mean to her cos of stupid stuff she cannot help. She wants to quit netball cos of that, so if anyone who knows what they've done to her reads this. Well. Are you happy now?
Okay so I'm sidetracking again, aiya heck la you how long know me alr now then know I like to veer off topic. Heck you.
Again.
Anyway. ANYWAY. Until know the closest person I know amongst all the seniors are. In order I guess?:
Leong womanz.
Shinwomanz the Korean.
Oh my God. I shouldn't have typed that. It seems very pathetic now D: And I don't even talk to them in real life la walao wei orz. Leong womanz is via sms. Shinwomanz... Real life got talk abit la. Like really abit. :(
Hais. I digress.
NExt topic.
I have recently been. Getting reacquainted with my social anxiety disorder.
I told it to move back to Oz. It refused.
It's started to loosen its tight grip on me abit now.
...
I'm a little bit afraid again. .__.
Like you know. I don't know what to say etc.
I'm probably boring you people to death with my continuous repitition of my social anxiety disorder. Sorry Cherry.
Okay I'll stop.
Last topic.
I am not an ahlian.
I'm so tired of people in school. Well, they're not a lot of people, but still a handful to hurt me.
Well so, okay, I've been getting a couple of comments.
Talking about how I'm becoming more "loud and crude" and more "ah lian" and how "last time you not lidat one leyh. What happened. What's the change?"
I just want to state. a few things about that.
It hurts you know. Sometimes when you go overboard. And I cannot be fucking bothered to change names, but Nicole you really. You really hit a nerve when you start insulting me for no good reason. Just to make people laugh. It's not very nice, you know. And I just. I'm sorry but sometimes you can be so attention-seeking. Why can't you change. My God. And sometimes you are just so act.
Good lord. I'm not the only one you're irritating okay, when you randomly come up to us and call us bitch then walk away.
And for God's sake, you only convince yourself of your so called 'split personality' because it will bring attention to yourself my God =.= I am sorry, but you are very attention-seeking. Am I being mean. Well, I'm really very sorry, seriously I am, but you really are.
Yes I'm being cowardly. I'm complaining here when you will probably never see this. But this. Is where I can rant. For God's sake get the fuck off if you buay tahan.
Anyway. If you had a split personality. Even if you knew the symptoms, you wouldn't know of your condition. =.=
Okay so anyway. N has a good friend. Bao bei. okay. So baobei recently took to following in Nicole's footsteps and insulting just for some laughs. So stupid.
But anyway. She hit jackpot la. Cos. The very people she happened to be making fun of my 'ahlianness' at that time agreed heartily with her.
=.= It hurts la walao.
I mean like. Okay so I fold my skirt. I don't do that for anyone. I do that for myself. I don't want to, okay no offense la but I find long skirts really unattractive, so anyway I don't want to look gross so I fold my skirt. That is frekaing not lian for GODS SAKE.
And I swear. Quite a bit. Okay la is quite a lot. But it is nothing compared to last year okay. Last year 说不说 get angry start spouting all the knnbccb, ccb, ma de etc etc. This year. I cut down alot alr okay. Only fuck and bitch. And only when I get super pissed.
Shit. All this talk about ahlians and vulgarities and shit is making me think of when I was super duper lian on the inside last year.
Then there was this like heavy, tired, angry, pissed, super de sian feeling in my chest. It coated my entire heart.
I remember thinking I was completely poisoned cos of P6.
My goodness.
NEver again. I don't want to go back to that kind of period again.
It sparked my social anxiety disorder.
It made me damn lian cos at that time it was super in to be lian and if you weren't lian nobody would befriend you... Without buckling under peer pressure and ostracising you when the time called for it.
It. Okay I hated P6 if you can't already tell.
Sigh.
So anyway.
Even the teacher called me lian. So depressing. And I think she was sort of ignoring me. Sigh.
It hurts la. For the first time in my life I'm trying to be mroe sociable and shit and then people label me ahlian cos instead of being 'awkward and quiet' I'm being more 'noisy and "friendly-ish"'. Oh so therefore I am a goddamn fucking ahlian.
Cos I'm trying to be more sociable.
okay la.What do you want. I go back to being totally nerdy again? Nerdy and awkward and quiet? You want isit? Then you'll be happy?
My fucking goodness, FINE. Then when I have no friends don't go round saying "Why the choi minzy suddenly so awkward and quiet and-" FUCK. You guys had just better leave me alone.
Tsk. Stupid.
*
I am importing songs from old CDs in my house into my iTunes and thus into my iPod.
It's quite irritating. Cos some of the songs are things idek and some of the albums don't even have the CDs in them. Cos last time my mom took out everything and replaced them with other CDs in the car to like replace the CD so we could listen to the new CD. Do I make sense. No right. Aiya heck la you should be able to get it eventually.
It is none of my business if you don't. If it doesn't make sense work that brain to try and make it make sense.
Anyway. So this cycle of forever recycling album cases goes on and on. Eventually only a few CDs ever make it back home to the comforting, tackily 1990's designed plastic casing of the album. The rest are unknown and missing and. Well, that's quite sad cos there were a lotof Mariah Carey albums at home which I wanted to listen to, but couldn't cos all the discs were either missing or well replaced with Chinese CDs and shit. =.=
So, so far I only have a couple of new Namie Amuro songs and Taylor Swift's Fearless album in my iTunes.
=.= I'm downloading a new Chinese album into my iTunes. That should be interesting.
And thusly I shall end this quite long post here.
Annyeong.
Rainbow seen and taken above our school. I spotted it.
As everyone here knows, Choi Minzy is a wonderful procrastinator.
If Choi Minzy had a dollar or more for everytime she procrastinates, why, she would be a freaking zillionaire with Key and TOP and Bruno Mars to choose from her never-ending list of suitors.
I don't think zillionaire is a real word though, I just put z cos z is like the last alphabet and is way later than m so I think its value in a word would increase a lot more?
I'm making no sense again.
No sense, nonsense.
Hm ho hum.
anyway!
I am very tired. NEomu piganehyo.
I shall let shit flow from my infertile mind (very infertile at the moment, having burned off everything while designing clothes yesterday. I didn't even draw much, just a few cat human chibi thingies and two outfits abut then my brain burned out all the same so. Woooooah thinking what the hell.).
Yesterday I was tumblring. Looking for notebooks. I didn't think anyone besides me in well the world (me and a few other weirdos la) would like notebooks. Like, idk, they hold so much like potential and stuff like. You know? Even though I cannot draw, it just excites me like CAN YOU IMAGINE IF YOU COULD DRAW ALL THE POSSIBILITIES OF FILLING THAT NOTEBOOK LIKE ALL THE PRETTY DESIGNS AND PEEKTURES AND SHIT AND YAAAAAAAA but anyway. As I consider myself to be an okay writer. Notebooks are quite okay. But if my handwriting were nicer. And my procrastination weren't so strong. I would probably. Have filled all my notebooks.
Okay and now. I shall stop.
Because I feel antisocial again and stuff.
And cos I'm getting lazy.
Therefore, annyeong.
Secret Garden - Episode 5.
Anah I know I very slow la! Leave me alone~~
I actually wasn't going to blog but...
I JUST WANT TO SAY.
LOVE IS SO SWEET AND AWESOME AND KNNNNNGH BUUUUT.
It's also so complicated and tough and siiigh~
It's been a long time since I've experienced love though.
Not that I've ever been in a relationship, but you know. Crushes and shit.
Anyway.
The more I look at Joowon's face, the more hot he becomes.
I mean at first he looked nerdy and weak and stuff lah, but...
IDK, the more I watch the drama the more 'okay' he looks.
And that gay dude.
The one that Oska was trying to scout.
He is hot. Well, hot-ish, but AIYA I FIND HIM HOT LA. SHISH.
And he's gay which is just another plus.
WAhahaa. Wing's bisexual cousin just msned me.
It's good to meet other bisexuals. wonderifwecanhookup
Ho.
Tumblr is a beautiful place.
It gives me so much inspiration to daydream and not do anything.
Not that I'm trying to promote this person or anything lah, but... You know... I want to show you guys a really cool link... She's really awesome and the stuff she reblogs is really awesome so... *cough. here
Ya, CL why you so pretty.... Dara why you so derp...
Hehe. You all are lucky today. I feel like blogging.
NOW CLAP.
Okay so anyway.
I'm watching Secret Garden now.
Gil Ra Im is so pretty. But the guy uhh.... Ummmmmm... LOL.
Let's just say TOP is a lot handsomer. :D
Aaaaaaah.
HE LIKES HER.
HE'S MAKING A MISTAKE.
I'M SPAZZING.
I'm sorry this was short, I got carried away by Secret Garden.
Okay so...
죄송합니다!
안녕.
OKAY I KNOW I SAID THE EARLIER POST WAS A PATRONISING POST.
BUT I REALLY HAVE TO SPEAK OUT ABOUT SOMETHING.
I REALLY NEED TO TALK. ABOUT. HIM D:.
I just realised. I probably only like Key because I used to like Yu Jie.
And you know what kind of crush it is? You know, the kind ppl describe as their 'first love'. Where they somehow fall in love at first sight with a certain person. I really do think it was love now, though. Because it's been what... 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011 and I still like him.
My 'crush' on him has already lasted 4 years.
Hais. I don't even know why I like him. People ask me why I like him. In primary school, well everyone in my primary school had bad taste, I mean seriously. I thought it was just me because, you know, I couldn't understand how some of them could think certain ahlians were totally gorgeous when in actual fact they were so ugly I thought the 'ugliest' girls in my class were prettier than them.
But then I guess the bad taste rubbed off on me because I liked him? I don't know. In my primary school, my taste for liking him had been considered normal because a lot of girls before me had liked him as well. Including a certain best friend of mine. Well actually that certain best friend only liked him for a tiny while. But still. Do you understand now. That it was normal for me to like him.
Shit you if you don't. YOU ARE JUST IRRELEVANT. GTFO.
But anyway.
I don't know why. I had to realise that I like him again a teeny bit now. Why not like twenty years later when we don't know each other and I already have a boyfriend and shit.
Why now?
Argh.
I dono I dono I DONO. Everything is so confusing.
It could be my mens acting up.
I don't know.
But now at the moment I'm just so obsessed with him.
Like I have this sudden impulsive urge to just. Stalk him. Talk to him. Say hi. Find out more things about him. Just... Be friends with him like how we were friends in P5/6.
P5. Not P6. Cos P6 the whole class was ignoring me.
It sucked.
Anyway.
I think the reason why I suddenly like Key more than Jonghyun is because
1. He's cute (Well he is.)
2. He's so diva-ish.
3. He's funny.
4. Yu Jie kinda looks like him. Kind of.
I mean. Argh.
Okay so maybe Yu Jie is like the 10000x uglier version of Key. But...
Sorry I haven't been blogging lately.
I mean after the exams ended, something just clicked and then like FOOSH, I don't feel like doing anything anymore.
Ho. So anyway.
Today shall be a really inane and short post. Again.
First things first, I will be writing fanfiction on asianfanfics.com quite soon. LOL. I'm working on the first chapter now. Tracy Leong says it must be a least 1000+ words orz. So I have to write quite long larh, yah. LOl.
Secondly, I'm rwiting smut. Shall I show you a snippet?:
“Shut up,” Violet muttered, nibbling on the loose fabric getting in between her and Nancy’s breasts. She bit down hard and enjoyed the hot, erotic moan Nancy elicited. “It’s sexier this way.”
Neh. God bless you LOL.
Thirdly, HUIFANG.
...
...
Nah, Key is sexier. LOLJK XDD INNOT WHAT SHOULD I SAY? OH HUIFANG HUIFANG MAKES THE STARS LOOK LIKE THEY'RE NOT SHINING. And they don't what. In SG how many times you can see the stars in the night sky one.
So I'm not lying lah. The stars really don't shine what. Okay.
Patronising anot this post?
LOL. OH YA.
I BOUGHT A BAG.
I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
I THINK IT'S NCIE THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS. YOU ARE IRRELEVANT. BYE.
LOL NICE RIGHT. Sarah can you see your cow in the background? LOL I STILL KEEP IT OKAY!
Ya, I don't know why but he reminds me of Yu Jie. Hais. Memories.
I really shouldn't be doing this.
Science was well... Relatively okay actually. Everyone was complaining. Of course, being afraid that I had once again gained too much confidence, I joined in and complained about how difficult the chemistry component of the paper was. Oh good lord.
Anyway.
Uhm.
So when I was younger, my creativity had literally no bounds. My imagination was a mess. But it was a hot mess. Okay just imagine this:
Look at any object beside you at the moment. Okay? Done? Let's say it's a clock. Now, I have to squeeze and throttle my brain before it provides me with an answer like "On this clock. Are fingerprints. That the killer didn't manage to wipe off." and shit like that, except OH LORD they were so much crazier than that. As usual, I tended to mix fantasy with reality, thus I could think that the black numbers were actually codes for a certain magical door to a mystical realm, but anyway. From just that clock. I could create a whole new murder case. I wonder if any of you have played the DS game Phoenix Wright. Well, when I was around 10, I could easily solve an entire case in my head when the game was only halfway in progress. It also helps that I had a very, almost unhealthy, suspicious mindset that caused me to quickly latch onto anything suspicious that anyone did. Most of the time I found out who the murderers were because of these suspicions.
Anyway. Would you believe me if I said that the greatestnerds in your class, the idiots who get like 90+ for every frikkin subject, are actually 'slower' than you? Obv not right, I mean (stereotype) THEY'RE NERDS HOW CAN THEY BE STUPID OMG THEY GET HIGHER THAN ME OF COURSE THEY'RE SMART.
Bullshit.
I knew this for a long time. Just didn't have evidence.
I wasn't searching hard enough.
But before I show you. What I've found.
I just want to give you a tiny tiny fragment of a glimpse as to how crazy I was last time.
I found buttons suspicious. Like you know the kind to go up to a lift. In my mind, the button could be improved to a lot better to ensure a lot more security. Like, once you presss the button, it pops out. Then there will be a hollow thing in the middle of the button. You have to get the hollow part of the button filled without pushing it back into its original position. For this you would have to push down on the sides of the button. Even though it's a solid wall, the walls at that particular area would be 'moveable' and thus you would push around and fill the gap with your fingers. Then, only then, you would be able to get to your destination.
There. See. And last time I was a lot sharper too. Can't give examples. I've forgotten most of my childhood (shit the PSLE) This.
That is all
LOL I took this picture last year. It looks kinda nice though. :/
Song - King of Anything by Sara Bareilles (YES I CAN SPELL HER NAME WITHOUT REFERENCE)
Keke.
Smiggle is now my second most favourite shop.
The first being, of course, comics con/blogshops/kpop selling shit/anime stuff selling places.
I'm sad to say temptation got the better of me and pushed me to the cashier with three $1.95 pens in my hand.
Stop judging me shit you! They're cute okay! And be happy didn't but the maze calculator, which is like this $14.95 calculator with a maze and a small silver ball on the back.
Anyway.
Short short short post.
Ya, when I say short it really is short.
See end alr.
Kthxbai (tmr is science and lit, lit i haven't even memorised shit so. Shit)
Ohai diz is park bomz and our new song Lonely is coming out on 12th May you better like it or choi minzy will chop you downz.
Today I shall showcase all of my TOP pictures.
It's not as good as the people on tumblr, but shut it. It's still more than yours.
omg thissss.
^this is ridiculous but funny in a way.
LASTLY:
*picture is suffice enough for signature and farewell sentence*
About This Site
안녕하새요 남자, 여자, 할아버지, 할머니, 개이, 래스비은, all genders welcome~~
Welcome to my blog / site / personal space.
Now that you've stepped in this blog and entered this page, CONTINUE READING.
Don't stop. make it pop, DJ blow my speakers up Yeah, don't stop cos you make me feel like a woman.
Yeah female empowerment, Rihanna S&M
Site name : chingu-ah.tumblr.com/blogspot.com
Site type : Just anything I feel like blogging about :P Just read~
Most commonly found stuff here : Pictures, ramblings, KPOP
Established since : Year 2011 8)
More About Me
I figured out my biography isn't that important to you, so that's why I place it down here.
Name : Choi Minzy
Age : Fiveteens
World : Tumblr.
Type of person : I don't even know :P Read and find out :P
Hobbies : Not too sure, read and find out :P
Fav Stuff : My PHONE <3 And notebooks :P
Blogging basis : Depends 8P
TALK TO ME
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I feel particularly dead/lazy today.
I shall just blog whatever goes to my head and shit.
I will edit nothing. Absolutely nothing in this blogpost.
Everything here is like. Uncut. Straight from the crop of dying imagination.
Okay so first of all.
I had a horrible dream last night.
It was about my whole family dying. I don't know how, they were all just dead. I think this was probably caused by my looking up of phobias last night. I was looking up on the phobia of awkward silences, and apparently that's normal not just my sad. LOL. I just realised its acronym is sad. Okay anyway.
So then I saw a few other phobias, including the phobia of death. I remember being a little curious about why people would be afraid of death. I mean, for me, death is just. Your physical existence being put to an end. Who cares what's after that. What is... I mean like, why should you care what's out there after that. I mean, well I'd be pissed if I died whenever wherever and then woke up in hell only to repeat my entire life but in a worse like condition/state/whatever. I mean, fgs I want to rest dammmit =.=
But I digress. So anyway.
I guess that's what caused my dream to be so... What's the word. Someone volunteer a word and just stick it in the ... part, kay.
Kay.
Well I started crying then. Then I woke up and my mom wasn't beside me (cos I sleep in the same room as my mom. What. Get lost shoo there's nothing wrong dammit =.=) and the bathroom (cos we were sleeping in the master bedroom... =.= Okay that sounded wrong. SHIT YOU STOP IT WE ARE JUST SLEEPING AS PARENT AND CHILD.) door was closed and there was a light on inside it. I didn't dare go over and open the door because I was so scared of the ghosts and shit andbecaus I was afraid that if I opened the door my mom would be lying on the floor, dead after slipping on the wet floor.
And here comes the shocking, disgusting, superficial part:
Throughout that thoughts of never eating maggie mee ever again sometimes attacked me and made me even sadder than the thought of not having my mom around me ever again.
The thought that there would be something fascinating to another dimension like in Narnia behind the bathroom door was what made me want to go over and open the door, not to find out if my mom was okay.
I hate myself for being so self-centred.
And these few days, I mean this whole year, I have been disgustingly self-centred. Okay and thus comes the jumble of thoughts that will spill out from my mind with no sense of order at all.
If you agree with me and say yes I am disgustingly self-centred, I will lash out at you and hate you even though yes, I agree that I am disgustingly self-centred too, but I will still lash out at you because I think that thta is somehow human nature to hear someone insult you. I mean, if you're scolding yourself that's somehow okay la because well, why get angry at yourself? Do you get what I mean?
It somehow just hurts though when somebody insults you.
Anyway. I am sorry to all readers (do I even have any. Oh I see all of them posting frantically at my tagbox to prove their existence *cough) for continuously ranting about-
Wait a minute. Unless you're a good friend of mine, I will not apologise for ranting about my social anxiety disorder. You won't understand me. A few good friends of mine don't even understand it, so I don't expect that you, a random stranger, would.
But if you do I am deeply thankful and at the same time sorry that you have to read about me moaning and whining.
Lastly.
This last part of the post.
...
I am too lazy (collective groan from the 2 readers that are reading this) okay la I'm sorry! But like, I'm just too lazy. And sleepy.
I don't suppose I had a very good sleep last night what with all the eventful shit =3= so. Yeap. My head is dead again.
Therefore, this last part of the post shall have its own blogpost to itself. I think the person that that particular blogpost is dedicated to will love me for being so kind and gracious to her for allotting her with her very own blogpost, not having to share with my other woes and troubles. Oh yes, this person is also self-centred, and it is no wonder why seeing as we are both related.
And this person is very disgusting.
But I shan't say anymore. No. What if that self-centred bitch gets mad cos I'm giving away the element of surprise to her very own blogpost. No we can't have that happening. I imagine she'd kill herself.
So.
Annyeong.
Alot of things to get off of my chest today.
But, well, procrastination and shit and blah happens so.
This post might be incomplete.
Let's start off in chronological order, therefore, I shall tell you guys teh story of the awkwardness I have between me any my seniors.
It all started last year when, due to my social anxiety disorder (stop rolling your eyes Cherry. I have it okay. I took the goddamn quiz by a goddamn professional. Mine was severe case okay, get lost. Shoo.), I ignored my seniors whenever they talked to me. Heck, you didn't even have to be a senior. As long as I didn't know you and have to be like, in your presence for a very long period of time, I would be crazily afraid and anxious of you.
I shall state again a few symptoms of whta I felt at that time.
When around seniors:
Mind will go blank
Will start sweating.
Heart will beat crazily fast.
Will try to find ways to avoid talking to said senior.
If unavoidable, will force self to come up with jokes/banter/whatever. (which as we all know only makes everything worse cos everything comes out really fake and shit.)
After the encounter I will go through everything and rate myself and review myself. What lah. Stop it okay argh I had a freaking disorder =.= I was my worst critic.
When around peers of same age:
Heart will beat crazily fast.
Will try to find ways to avoid talking to said senior.
If unavoidable, will force self to come up with jokes/banter/whatever. (which as we all know only makes everything worse cos everything comes out really fake and shit.)
After the encounter I will go through everything and rate myself and review myself. What lah. Stop it okay argh I had a freaking disorder =.= I was my worst critic.
When around aunts, relatives, everyone:
Heart will beat crazily fast.
Will try to find ways to avoid talking to said senior.
If unavoidable, will force self to come up with jokes/banter/whatever. (which as we all know only makes everything worse cos everything comes out really fake and shit.)
After the encounter I will go through everything and rate myself and review myself. What lah. Stop it okay argh I had a freaking disorder =.= I was my worst critic.
Understand le ma. I was damn scared. So therefore whenever my seniors tried to crack jokes with me, etc. etc. I was pretty slow in understanding the joke and (cos I was so nerdily serious last time) I didn't think it was that funny last time so. After a while they stopped talking to me.
So ironic, and now I want so desperately to be like. Friends? Acquaintances with them?
I mean, ARGH I cannot stand this awkwardness my god. Like, we're in the same CCA, everyone but me is partying with each other everytime there's netball.
It just makes netball pretty unenjoyable.
I mean, yeah lah my situation not as bad as Xin hui's la where she has like a lot of people bitching and like just bullying and being mean to her cos of stupid stuff she cannot help. She wants to quit netball cos of that, so if anyone who knows what they've done to her reads this. Well. Are you happy now?
Okay so I'm sidetracking again, aiya heck la you how long know me alr now then know I like to veer off topic. Heck you.
Again.
Anyway. ANYWAY. Until know the closest person I know amongst all the seniors are. In order I guess?:
Leong womanz.
Shinwomanz the Korean.
Oh my God. I shouldn't have typed that. It seems very pathetic now D: And I don't even talk to them in real life la walao wei orz. Leong womanz is via sms. Shinwomanz... Real life got talk abit la. Like really abit. :(
Hais. I digress.
NExt topic.
I have recently been. Getting reacquainted with my social anxiety disorder.
I told it to move back to Oz. It refused.
It's started to loosen its tight grip on me abit now.
...
I'm a little bit afraid again. .__.
Like you know. I don't know what to say etc.
I'm probably boring you people to death with my continuous repitition of my social anxiety disorder. Sorry Cherry.
Okay I'll stop.
Last topic.
I am not an ahlian.
I'm so tired of people in school. Well, they're not a lot of people, but still a handful to hurt me.
Well so, okay, I've been getting a couple of comments.
Talking about how I'm becoming more "loud and crude" and more "ah lian" and how "last time you not lidat one leyh. What happened. What's the change?"
I just want to state. a few things about that.
It hurts you know. Sometimes when you go overboard. And I cannot be fucking bothered to change names, but Nicole you really. You really hit a nerve when you start insulting me for no good reason. Just to make people laugh. It's not very nice, you know. And I just. I'm sorry but sometimes you can be so attention-seeking. Why can't you change. My God. And sometimes you are just so act.
Good lord. I'm not the only one you're irritating okay, when you randomly come up to us and call us bitch then walk away.
And for God's sake, you only convince yourself of your so called 'split personality' because it will bring attention to yourself my God =.= I am sorry, but you are very attention-seeking. Am I being mean. Well, I'm really very sorry, seriously I am, but you really are.
Yes I'm being cowardly. I'm complaining here when you will probably never see this. But this. Is where I can rant. For God's sake get the fuck off if you buay tahan.
Anyway. If you had a split personality. Even if you knew the symptoms, you wouldn't know of your condition. =.=
Okay so anyway. N has a good friend. Bao bei. okay. So baobei recently took to following in Nicole's footsteps and insulting just for some laughs. So stupid.
But anyway. She hit jackpot la. Cos. The very people she happened to be making fun of my 'ahlianness' at that time agreed heartily with her.
=.= It hurts la walao.
I mean like. Okay so I fold my skirt. I don't do that for anyone. I do that for myself. I don't want to, okay no offense la but I find long skirts really unattractive, so anyway I don't want to look gross so I fold my skirt. That is frekaing not lian for GODS SAKE.
And I swear. Quite a bit. Okay la is quite a lot. But it is nothing compared to last year okay. Last year 说不说 get angry start spouting all the knnbccb, ccb, ma de etc etc. This year. I cut down alot alr okay. Only fuck and bitch. And only when I get super pissed.
Shit. All this talk about ahlians and vulgarities and shit is making me think of when I was super duper lian on the inside last year.
Then there was this like heavy, tired, angry, pissed, super de sian feeling in my chest. It coated my entire heart.
I remember thinking I was completely poisoned cos of P6.
My goodness.
NEver again. I don't want to go back to that kind of period again.
It sparked my social anxiety disorder.
It made me damn lian cos at that time it was super in to be lian and if you weren't lian nobody would befriend you... Without buckling under peer pressure and ostracising you when the time called for it.
It. Okay I hated P6 if you can't already tell.
Sigh.
So anyway.
Even the teacher called me lian. So depressing. And I think she was sort of ignoring me. Sigh.
It hurts la. For the first time in my life I'm trying to be mroe sociable and shit and then people label me ahlian cos instead of being 'awkward and quiet' I'm being more 'noisy and "friendly-ish"'. Oh so therefore I am a goddamn fucking ahlian.
Cos I'm trying to be more sociable.
okay la.What do you want. I go back to being totally nerdy again? Nerdy and awkward and quiet? You want isit? Then you'll be happy?
My fucking goodness, FINE. Then when I have no friends don't go round saying "Why the choi minzy suddenly so awkward and quiet and-" FUCK. You guys had just better leave me alone.
Tsk. Stupid.
*
I am importing songs from old CDs in my house into my iTunes and thus into my iPod.
It's quite irritating. Cos some of the songs are things idek and some of the albums don't even have the CDs in them. Cos last time my mom took out everything and replaced them with other CDs in the car to like replace the CD so we could listen to the new CD. Do I make sense. No right. Aiya heck la you should be able to get it eventually.
It is none of my business if you don't. If it doesn't make sense work that brain to try and make it make sense.
Anyway. So this cycle of forever recycling album cases goes on and on. Eventually only a few CDs ever make it back home to the comforting, tackily 1990's designed plastic casing of the album. The rest are unknown and missing and. Well, that's quite sad cos there were a lotof Mariah Carey albums at home which I wanted to listen to, but couldn't cos all the discs were either missing or well replaced with Chinese CDs and shit. =.=
So, so far I only have a couple of new Namie Amuro songs and Taylor Swift's Fearless album in my iTunes.
=.= I'm downloading a new Chinese album into my iTunes. That should be interesting.
And thusly I shall end this quite long post here.
Annyeong.
Rainbow seen and taken above our school. I spotted it.
As everyone here knows, Choi Minzy is a wonderful procrastinator.
If Choi Minzy had a dollar or more for everytime she procrastinates, why, she would be a freaking zillionaire with Key and TOP and Bruno Mars to choose from her never-ending list of suitors.
I don't think zillionaire is a real word though, I just put z cos z is like the last alphabet and is way later than m so I think its value in a word would increase a lot more?
I'm making no sense again.
No sense, nonsense.
Hm ho hum.
anyway!
I am very tired. NEomu piganehyo.
I shall let shit flow from my infertile mind (very infertile at the moment, having burned off everything while designing clothes yesterday. I didn't even draw much, just a few cat human chibi thingies and two outfits abut then my brain burned out all the same so. Woooooah thinking what the hell.).
Yesterday I was tumblring. Looking for notebooks. I didn't think anyone besides me in well the world (me and a few other weirdos la) would like notebooks. Like, idk, they hold so much like potential and stuff like. You know? Even though I cannot draw, it just excites me like CAN YOU IMAGINE IF YOU COULD DRAW ALL THE POSSIBILITIES OF FILLING THAT NOTEBOOK LIKE ALL THE PRETTY DESIGNS AND PEEKTURES AND SHIT AND YAAAAAAAA but anyway. As I consider myself to be an okay writer. Notebooks are quite okay. But if my handwriting were nicer. And my procrastination weren't so strong. I would probably. Have filled all my notebooks.
Okay and now. I shall stop.
Because I feel antisocial again and stuff.
And cos I'm getting lazy.
Therefore, annyeong.
Secret Garden - Episode 5.
Anah I know I very slow la! Leave me alone~~
I actually wasn't going to blog but...
I JUST WANT TO SAY.
LOVE IS SO SWEET AND AWESOME AND KNNNNNGH BUUUUT.
It's also so complicated and tough and siiigh~
It's been a long time since I've experienced love though.
Not that I've ever been in a relationship, but you know. Crushes and shit.
Anyway.
The more I look at Joowon's face, the more hot he becomes.
I mean at first he looked nerdy and weak and stuff lah, but...
IDK, the more I watch the drama the more 'okay' he looks.
And that gay dude.
The one that Oska was trying to scout.
He is hot. Well, hot-ish, but AIYA I FIND HIM HOT LA. SHISH.
And he's gay which is just another plus.
WAhahaa. Wing's bisexual cousin just msned me.
It's good to meet other bisexuals. wonderifwecanhookup
Ho.
Tumblr is a beautiful place.
It gives me so much inspiration to daydream and not do anything.
Not that I'm trying to promote this person or anything lah, but... You know... I want to show you guys a really cool link... She's really awesome and the stuff she reblogs is really awesome so... *cough. here
Ya, CL why you so pretty.... Dara why you so derp...
Hehe. You all are lucky today. I feel like blogging.
NOW CLAP.
Okay so anyway.
I'm watching Secret Garden now.
Gil Ra Im is so pretty. But the guy uhh.... Ummmmmm... LOL.
Let's just say TOP is a lot handsomer. :D
Aaaaaaah.
HE LIKES HER.
HE'S MAKING A MISTAKE.
I'M SPAZZING.
I'm sorry this was short, I got carried away by Secret Garden.
Okay so...
죄송합니다!
안녕.
OKAY I KNOW I SAID THE EARLIER POST WAS A PATRONISING POST.
BUT I REALLY HAVE TO SPEAK OUT ABOUT SOMETHING.
I REALLY NEED TO TALK. ABOUT. HIM D:.
I just realised. I probably only like Key because I used to like Yu Jie.
And you know what kind of crush it is? You know, the kind ppl describe as their 'first love'. Where they somehow fall in love at first sight with a certain person. I really do think it was love now, though. Because it's been what... 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011 and I still like him.
My 'crush' on him has already lasted 4 years.
Hais. I don't even know why I like him. People ask me why I like him. In primary school, well everyone in my primary school had bad taste, I mean seriously. I thought it was just me because, you know, I couldn't understand how some of them could think certain ahlians were totally gorgeous when in actual fact they were so ugly I thought the 'ugliest' girls in my class were prettier than them.
But then I guess the bad taste rubbed off on me because I liked him? I don't know. In my primary school, my taste for liking him had been considered normal because a lot of girls before me had liked him as well. Including a certain best friend of mine. Well actually that certain best friend only liked him for a tiny while. But still. Do you understand now. That it was normal for me to like him.
Shit you if you don't. YOU ARE JUST IRRELEVANT. GTFO.
But anyway.
I don't know why. I had to realise that I like him again a teeny bit now. Why not like twenty years later when we don't know each other and I already have a boyfriend and shit.
Why now?
Argh.
I dono I dono I DONO. Everything is so confusing.
It could be my mens acting up.
I don't know.
But now at the moment I'm just so obsessed with him.
Like I have this sudden impulsive urge to just. Stalk him. Talk to him. Say hi. Find out more things about him. Just... Be friends with him like how we were friends in P5/6.
P5. Not P6. Cos P6 the whole class was ignoring me.
It sucked.
Anyway.
I think the reason why I suddenly like Key more than Jonghyun is because
1. He's cute (Well he is.)
2. He's so diva-ish.
3. He's funny.
4. Yu Jie kinda looks like him. Kind of.
I mean. Argh.
Okay so maybe Yu Jie is like the 10000x uglier version of Key. But...
Sorry I haven't been blogging lately.
I mean after the exams ended, something just clicked and then like FOOSH, I don't feel like doing anything anymore.
Ho. So anyway.
Today shall be a really inane and short post. Again.
First things first, I will be writing fanfiction on asianfanfics.com quite soon. LOL. I'm working on the first chapter now. Tracy Leong says it must be a least 1000+ words orz. So I have to write quite long larh, yah. LOl.
Secondly, I'm rwiting smut. Shall I show you a snippet?:
“Shut up,” Violet muttered, nibbling on the loose fabric getting in between her and Nancy’s breasts. She bit down hard and enjoyed the hot, erotic moan Nancy elicited. “It’s sexier this way.”
Neh. God bless you LOL.
Thirdly, HUIFANG.
...
...
Nah, Key is sexier. LOLJK XDD INNOT WHAT SHOULD I SAY? OH HUIFANG HUIFANG MAKES THE STARS LOOK LIKE THEY'RE NOT SHINING. And they don't what. In SG how many times you can see the stars in the night sky one.
So I'm not lying lah. The stars really don't shine what. Okay.
Patronising anot this post?
LOL. OH YA.
I BOUGHT A BAG.
I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
I THINK IT'S NCIE THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS. YOU ARE IRRELEVANT. BYE.
LOL NICE RIGHT. Sarah can you see your cow in the background? LOL I STILL KEEP IT OKAY!
Ya, I don't know why but he reminds me of Yu Jie. Hais. Memories.
I really shouldn't be doing this.
Science was well... Relatively okay actually. Everyone was complaining. Of course, being afraid that I had once again gained too much confidence, I joined in and complained about how difficult the chemistry component of the paper was. Oh good lord.
Anyway.
Uhm.
So when I was younger, my creativity had literally no bounds. My imagination was a mess. But it was a hot mess. Okay just imagine this:
Look at any object beside you at the moment. Okay? Done? Let's say it's a clock. Now, I have to squeeze and throttle my brain before it provides me with an answer like "On this clock. Are fingerprints. That the killer didn't manage to wipe off." and shit like that, except OH LORD they were so much crazier than that. As usual, I tended to mix fantasy with reality, thus I could think that the black numbers were actually codes for a certain magical door to a mystical realm, but anyway. From just that clock. I could create a whole new murder case. I wonder if any of you have played the DS game Phoenix Wright. Well, when I was around 10, I could easily solve an entire case in my head when the game was only halfway in progress. It also helps that I had a very, almost unhealthy, suspicious mindset that caused me to quickly latch onto anything suspicious that anyone did. Most of the time I found out who the murderers were because of these suspicions.
Anyway. Would you believe me if I said that the greatestnerds in your class, the idiots who get like 90+ for every frikkin subject, are actually 'slower' than you? Obv not right, I mean (stereotype) THEY'RE NERDS HOW CAN THEY BE STUPID OMG THEY GET HIGHER THAN ME OF COURSE THEY'RE SMART.
Bullshit.
I knew this for a long time. Just didn't have evidence.
I wasn't searching hard enough.
But before I show you. What I've found.
I just want to give you a tiny tiny fragment of a glimpse as to how crazy I was last time.
I found buttons suspicious. Like you know the kind to go up to a lift. In my mind, the button could be improved to a lot better to ensure a lot more security. Like, once you presss the button, it pops out. Then there will be a hollow thing in the middle of the button. You have to get the hollow part of the button filled without pushing it back into its original position. For this you would have to push down on the sides of the button. Even though it's a solid wall, the walls at that particular area would be 'moveable' and thus you would push around and fill the gap with your fingers. Then, only then, you would be able to get to your destination.
There. See. And last time I was a lot sharper too. Can't give examples. I've forgotten most of my childhood (shit the PSLE) This.
That is all
LOL I took this picture last year. It looks kinda nice though. :/
Song - King of Anything by Sara Bareilles (YES I CAN SPELL HER NAME WITHOUT REFERENCE)
Keke.
Smiggle is now my second most favourite shop.
The first being, of course, comics con/blogshops/kpop selling shit/anime stuff selling places.
I'm sad to say temptation got the better of me and pushed me to the cashier with three $1.95 pens in my hand.
Stop judging me shit you! They're cute okay! And be happy didn't but the maze calculator, which is like this $14.95 calculator with a maze and a small silver ball on the back.
Anyway.
Short short short post.
Ya, when I say short it really is short.
See end alr.
Kthxbai (tmr is science and lit, lit i haven't even memorised shit so. Shit)
Ohai diz is park bomz and our new song Lonely is coming out on 12th May you better like it or choi minzy will chop you downz.
...
